Sunny days & Starry nights ... Sunday, April 22, 2012
I'm finding extreme difficulties settling down and getting ahead with my revision. The reasons behind have evaded me for as long as I started Uni. That will well mean there has never been a time I have gotten down to serious studying ever since my a level years. I just, cant, do, it. That does not mean I haven't learnt anything. In fact, I've learnt plenty and the stuff I can pour out from my brain probably mean more than all those I've acquired over the pre Uni years. What I have now are very applicable knowledge in life and I cannot say I have learnt nothing. But, yes, I still cannot study for exams. I think I am afraid, having done well below average from the beginning. And so if I were to invest now and end up with nothing better, I'm afraid my pride wouldn't take it.I really don't believe in myself being able to score well. So I'm avoiding all possibilities of scoring well, and that means not studying.
What am I to do?
What I want now is to graduate with merit so at least I won't be at the bottom most rank. What I want now is for my Uni life to be over and so I can start my academics/career life afresh, without having to feel secretly ashamed for my results/lacklustre performance. It is a stumbling block I want to get rid off from my self esteem. For someone like me who have been scoring As to be getting consecutive Bs and Cs and a D, i cannot take it anymore. It is now too late to change and time to throw it away and start on a clean slate. I want to be living my life as how my intelligence should allow. I know I'm not just a dangling cap.
& Lazy afternoons ...
12:58 AM :D
Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
