Sunny days & Starry nights ... Wednesday, June 02, 2010
it's amazing how some people have the power to dictate your life at one moment and leave you to struggle with their decision the next. I wish I can put this in a non-cryptic manner, but I can't. This is occurring far too frequently for me not to realise. I feel as if i've been toyed around by the people who think they know better and hence force me to make a certain decision. In the end, i'm the one who bears the brunt of 'my' decision. No no, things don't work this way. You don't just come in one moment to show off the prowness of your views and stand and exit the picture the next. At this very point of time, i feel victimised. I feel victimised by people who's been pulling the reins in my life ( probably oblivious ) and people whos been questioning my abilities and pulling me back from who I really am. I feel that there is something in me struggling to get out; I'm feeling an urge to show what I'm really capable of. But each time I try, I do not succeed. Circumstances forbid, the higher power fobirds, I forbid my own self. Often I ask myself if I have chosen who I have become now. The answer is often a No , I'll reach a conclusion that this is not who I am and this is not what I want to be. I know I need great
courage to find myself, and that is exactly what I'm missing now. It is so much easier to accept what is deemed as fate than to fight against/for it. I don't think any one will truly understand why I do things the way I do, I don't think any one will truly appreciate my struggle to find the self I want to find, I don't think any one will truly support the route I am about to take ... It makes me question myself too, it's driving me mad.
I'm trying hard to stand and walk on my own two feet but it's so hard when I realise that it's not just me in the world. My life is not all about me still, there's chain locks tying me down still.
& Lazy afternoons ...
10:29 PM :D
Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
