Sunny days & Starry nights ... Friday, March 26, 2010
Revival Revived
I shall be detailing my thoughts back here ;)
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This phase in life feels almost excrutiating, yet liberating;
liberating cos you've sorted out the excrutiation,
excruciating cos you aren't liberated until you break free from its captive
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I do not like thoughts that throw my life into a hurlball of uncertainty and put my emotions into the deep end of the murky well. I do not like falling into a realm where i question my state of being and regrets come flooding in. I do not like doubting the decisions i have made for myself and the convictions i have once held so strongly. The thoughts just make you... plunge into a mind wrenching state of cognitive dissonance. At times like those, i wish i didn't have the mind to think that much.
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The worst of the worse thought that can hound me is the different things i will do for myself if time rewinds to year 2009. To be honest, I have never felt regret as painful as this. And i think deeper... , further...what if it's year 2006 ?Just after the triumph of the o's where i still have full power in my hands and things are all at it's perfect/untouched/unruined state. What would I have done differently if this is the self i hold then? Would i have chosen another school? Would that have changed how i think? Would I have developed into another person?
Will that change where i am now?
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But of cos, thinking any further in that line wouldn't take me anywhere now. I would like to think that i thought those thoughts to convict myself to where i am and what i am doing more strongly.
or maybe, they didn't. but well, what's in a life anyway? how do you know for sure the decisions you have made are wrong? AND how do you know for sure if the decisions you made are right?
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i know i don't know.
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let's just say...The grass is always greener on the other side ;)
n im on a highway to find myself...
& Lazy afternoons ...
5:15 AM :D
Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
