Sunny days & Starry nights ... Friday, September 26, 2008
it has been a
highly distressing and depressing week. and i think i need to apologise to the people whom i've given the attitude to and thank them for accomodating my eccentricity. i'm sorry and thank you.
2Es and an S are not grades that should be appearing at this juncture, and i think it just eats into me when better graders complain to me when i'm already so perplexed inside. I just need some quiet and wallow in misery and indignation for a while before i can snap out and face the world again. Sometimes i have the tendency to blame everyone else but myself for the revolting state i'm in; i blame people around me for being insensitive, i blame the teachers for being unkind and callous, i blame every stone turned against me, i blame my ill gotten luck , i blame everyone and everything except myself. It's very easy to be caught in the cycle of finger-pointing when every single thing goes against your wishes.
I admit that my grades bother me so much that i numb myself at times. They give me such pounding headaches that i just can't bear to stay in the consciousness anymore. The worst part is that there are 3 pressing problems screaming for attention and i don't have a single solution to them. It's scary to think that the teachers will just do whatever they should do within their stipulated capacity and nothing else. It really isn't their concern that you barely passed or almost failed.
It is Yours and yours alone. You
find the direction you need to move in and monitor your own progress. You are the one responsible for the things you are doing and the decisions you are making.
Let's forget about being overly positive; that everything will turn out fine, that there is nothing beyond you if you set your mind to it, that when the going gets tough the tough gets going. Let's be
real. We live in a real world where there is no guarantee for multiplied returns just because you worked very hard. Everything is going to be tough for now no matter how happy and strong you pretend to be.
allow me to be negative just this once.
& Lazy afternoons ...
3:21 AM :D
Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
