Sunny days & Starry nights ... Thursday, July 17, 2008
It was that feeling again; that sinking fear of countless bleak possibilities. A few moments later, what will the diagnosis be? What if it is found to be a problem with the most elusive part of the body- the brain? What if no one in the world is capable enough to decipher this ailment and give me the answer i want? What if the panting and shivering take him away...from me? What if...
A million and trillion what if's. This train of thoughts is becoming increasingly familiar. Now, even the tiniest problem triggers this cascade of fear and elicits a rapid-heart-palpitating response. I fear. I fear the trip to The Vet, i fear even more to look at my loyal companion; i know what it all takes is a slight connection or touch for the tears i had been trying so hard to control to flow. It was simply too much; and i'm just too vulnerable for this kind of intensity.
In the car ride to The Vet, a feeling of de ja vu arrested me, again. " He's completely blind now. There is no cure for the disease" , those words hung stiffly in the air at the vet's a few months ago. I refused to believe. It couldn't be. This time, i felt the exact same fear as the episode threatened to repeat itself again. Please, let it be a muscle sprain.
We waited. We waited in The Vet's. The wait was interminable. The shutters went down with all the noise and yet the tension hadn't dissipate a teeny weeny bit. What on earth is the vet doing behind that stupid door? Don't my dog's whimpering and bone-shattering shrieks mean anything at all? He can't even walk properly! goodness.
Finally , the door opened and the person we were so desperate to see appeared. "momo?" Nodded and walked in. The moment i fear most has come. The Truth is waiting to be heard.
" please please please, let it be a muscle sprain"
.........
And so, it was a moment of much relief. But then. a greater implication stares me right in the eye, as much as i want and have been trying to dismiss. This is a tell-tale sign of ageing. We all know. -------------------------------------------------------
& Lazy afternoons ...
4:56 AM :D
Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
