Sunny days & Starry nights ... Thursday, April 10, 2008
It's a steep learning curve of self-discovery...
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Sometimes, i just don't understand how people think i'm "kanjiong". To be honest, i get very irritated by that label as i can never see the reason why i'm 'bestowed" that description. "kanjiong", in my opinion, has a negative meaning; it's a bian yi ci to , in not-so-good terms, display contempt at those who are engaged in a frenzy. Hence, i've never taken that word lightly, and perhaps since the very moment i learnt that word, it has become my pet peeve subciously. that condescending word.
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Annoyingly enough, i've been called "kanjiong spider" or some time back ,"kanjiong bear" in the school settings. From the beginning till now, i have never acknowledged the labels. Simply because, i don't see myself as "kanjiong", not from up, down, left or right. Being a highly task driven person, it's just an innate ability of mine to do things fast as i feel the satisfaction from within. I've always believed that we should treat every task with zest and enthusiasm, no matter how small it may be.I also believe that we should all spend each day with meaning and purpose, using the luxury of time to achieve something gratifiying. (eg. completing a project, having thought-provoking conversations, being a support to a friend etc) However, my belief has been challenged time and time again until i start questioning my pace of work recently.
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No, i do not enjoy that "sianjipua" feeling at all. That mentally unstimulating, sinking and exasperating feeling. Once you get used to it , it becomes a habit. Dragging your feet, dreading every task, draining all potential energy. I see it as a vicious cycle some body gets caught in, and it is as infectious as T4 phage which brings about a lytic effect.
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Well, that might be why our gp teacher commented today that,
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" Your class is really irritating. Last year you people were just quiet. This year you are quiet and "nuah""
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yeah, she said "nuah". i feel nuah today too, and i can't stand it ! Oh well, i'll just constantly remind myself of the values mwjw passed me and bian ce myself to keep pace.
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" I know that what i believe is right!"
whatever limitations we place upon ourselves are our responsibility.
& Lazy afternoons ...
6:27 AM :D
Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
